Just throwing out some gratitude

I work in Texas. Child Protective Services is really in the news these days around these parts. We read lots of things (positive AND negative) about families and children in the press since an (apparent) need for more spending in that department is present.

This is silly…..but I just feel grateful for all the good things my Mom did for me when I was a kid. I really miss her…..she died many years ago. But I just really miss her and wish I could hug her and tell her ‘thank you’ today for all the great stuff she did for me while I was growing up. The music lessons, the money for school trips, the clothes, the cooking, the shopping, the doctor/dentist/orthodontist visits, church, weekends, hugs, laughter, an attentive ear…….and so much more. Thank you, Mom. I miss you every day. When you were alive, I thanked you…..several times……but I just wish I could do so VERY LOUDLY today, right here where I am.

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On Dreams Re-Realized

When I was young (as in, very early 20’s)…..I had BIG dreams. I didn’t, however, have a solid plan mapped out for how I would bring those dreams to pass. Oh, I had a ‘map’ (metaphorically speaking), just a teeny scribble on a scrap of paper floating around up in me head. My plan was to, ultimately, become an amalgamation of Dr. Phil and Donald Trump….I like to jokingly say (technically, this was LONG before your common bear had even heard the name Dr. Phil and eons before ‘The Donald’ decided he wanted to be The Chief…..but I digress).

I pretty much always liked books and learning……but high school was soooooooo-ooooo boring! Theater and music and church were life, man! That’s all that mattered! So, after a stint in the military, I started college at 20…..dreaming of being a Licensed Professional Counselor (or something of that ilk). I was generally much better at ‘the college thing’ than I was at high school stuff.  I thought, that, just a few years down the road,  I’d have a big office with huge windows and a water feature in the lobby and I’d write shelves of books and go on speaking tours and I’d be this wizened sage and would, of course, make waterfalls-of-money on a regular basis. I even went to work for a community mental health center, that schooled me well on the realities of working with people who struggle with problems.

Well, I didn’t bring grad. school to pass. I do ply my trade as a social worker these days, which is a noble undertaking, albeit one that isn’t heavily rewarded in the money category. I finished college…….not long after that, my Mom’s health began to take its final, radical nose dive, though. My step dad left this world 19 months after Mom left it…..and my father is really a non-starter in the parenting department. Those things, plus about 10-12 other factors which I’m leaving out……and I just didn’t make grad. school happen……I just didn’t. Officially speaking…..I never really even started grad. school….I didn’t.

Sure, there was some ‘other stuff’ in terms of college after graduating…….some psychology pre-reqs (which I took too soon after my Mom’s passing….not in a good place for academics, but I still managed to muddle through for the most part). A little computer science……one or two graduate Sociology classes, etc. I even later earned an undergrad. Certificate from a college in West Texas.   I’m rambling a bit, but I’m really going somewhere here, trust me.

Sometimes, when you’re young…….you build this VERY NARROW tower in your mind (more of a ladder, to be exact)….and you think: ‘I intend to achieve success. Therefore, I will do step 1, then step 2, then step 3…………..blah-blah-blah, and when I get to step 30, I will have arrived!! That will be it….I will have succeeded!’  In reality, life rarely works like that! Life is NEVER perfectly linear, for anyone!! Things don’t move in perfect sequence……they just don’t. You might get 80% into your ‘big plan’ and realize: ‘This isn’t at all what I wanted!!’  You might become a parent, and find out your child has a serious medical condition…….that impacts your ability to pursue some of your dreams! What I’m saying, (clumsily) is this: life can hold many rewards for you that you never thought were possible when you were young…….so don’t let them fly right by you! I’ve ‘gained’ things or ‘succeeded’ at things or have ‘become’ [positive] things that I’d never have even conceived of when I was 20 years old.

Take a minute…..look around at your life and congratulate yourself for the GOOD things you are and have done in your time on this earth! Don’t let your ‘little’ accomplishment slip right past you!